Honoring Cusp trapQueens: Opposing Harm: An Open Letter To Those Who Benefit From 'Masculinity&#
Dear Beneficiaries,
I'm like, "hey whatsup, what's good???"
There’s been quite a lot of talk regarding how to handle the harm that may be reproduced in spaces we’re trying to carve out for ourselves. Recently at the Creating Change conference I took part in supporting the direct actions of Black Trans womn whom organized a shutting down of a “Trans Attracted Men’s” panel discussion that harbored a known abuser amongst the black trans community. Some organizers of the panel were informed, but failed to recognize the issue in uplifting a cis hetero man whom had been known to harm multiple Black Trans Womn. This was not to refute the possibility of accountability and transformation upon cis men in general whom perpetuate harm, but to stand in joint struggle with the most vulnerable of us, those who face abuse often and directly; to highlight those kinds of restorative efforts being completely ignored or trivialized. Not only due to rape culture, but the liberal apologism that tends to try and bury these problems until they become something bigger and less easy to ignore. Apologism being a way of thinking that blames survivors/victims, excuses harm done, and or down plays experiences of abuse.
Countless times I’ve seen popular or reputable organizers/activists use their social capital(popularity) and or
legitimacy within certain institutions or amongst these mentioned apologists to absolve themselves from taking accountability. This has dimmed the hope of and pushed out many aspiring wide eyed people, particularly, but not limited to the Femme of us. I believe that self [en]titled leaders who may not have the firmest grasp of their own harmful underpinning colonial logics and hierarchical organizing relations are the one’s whom tend to
replicate this kind of abuse, or worse, organize these ways to allot special positioning and titles to folx
they inspire(or empower) in order to gate keep for their own individual power. This is not actually empowerment. Cause who’s gonna wanna ‘call in or out’ a charismatic, self proclaimed leader that may remove their faith in you or threaten to take away a given position within important movement work? Or uses the culture of apologism surrounding their reputation as a way to not be responsible for all that they do? But even when it isnt a self affirmed leader there is an age old danger that comes from an authoratitve figure representing you, your interests, determination and your needs. This Cult-of-Persona Politics is not new. Look at every politician turned dictator or leader of rights movements and unrest; from the Black Power Movement to Civil Rights Movement to American Indian Movements, mostly men known for their womnizing or harm caused and excused widely to make room for "the movement building work." Casting out those who do dissent to this microcasm of tyranny as diruptors of unity. Most people are already socialized within the prelogics and frameworks of the State and these complimentary social hierarchies(race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, nationality) it is sustained by. Since it is so pervasive many might not acknowledge their complicity to such dominating dynamics. I ask for us ALL to challenge and be critical of these frameworks of thinking. Or to at least interrogate them as we re-imagine future transformation of our society.
The focus shouldn’t be primarily on men, but the glorification of masculinity. Masculinity that defines itself in our society by violence. This violent learning and knowing is not separate from the coercion or threat of violence historically used and monopolized by the State Appartus.
I’ve started to become careful of using words like "privilege" because it does very little to strike chords in
people in positions of power. And it's always rendered as a sort of social benefit, when it isnt a social benefit so much as it is oppressive. So now I attempt to decenter Whiteness, Masculinity, Normativity to name what is colluding with the interlocking systems of domination responsible for sets of positionality. So much of what plagues our femininity and communities are Fuckboiboys not recognizing how their masculine energy is just mirroring the same treatment we get in these white, bourgee, cismalecentric spaces.
I recently created a brief response to a relatively well known Black Masculine of Center DFAB(Designated Female At Birth) persyn regarding their treatment of femmes, particularly black femmes, in Los Angeles movement spaces and the harm they've caused in their romantic polyamorous relationships. I’m publicizing this without mention of their name(unless there is continued inaction) to acknowledge their lack of accountability when it comes to their harm and the work femmes of color seem to always have to be doing to emotionally deal and survive the harm that is still rampant in our communities. The same work that often tends to fetishize us in the eyes of Masculine of Center people! This published letter is also to light the fire under the asses of those currently engaged in "polyamorous relations" whom seem to be ignoring their own internalized misogynoir and femmephobia. Cause I've written too many letters or responses like these to the men or MoCs and apologists alike who produce oppressive dynamics in QTPoC spaces. To me if you aint holding our femininity as sacred then you're just doing as dominant white culture does and commodifying it for persynal gain. And if you're still not directly acknowledging the harm you have caused it will happen again in your current and future relationships.
My response reads:
“There's a lot of shit goin down in many interpersynal dynamics right now. I guess there's
disappointment in very many masculine of center and man identifying folx. I dont know if you're new to
the game regarding dating multiple femmes, but there's a way you can go about it and not hurt many
of their feelings or pit them against one another for your attention.
As someone who dabbles in revolutionary ways of relating to one another, I think that these
relationships need to reflect what we wanna see in the world. So if a man or masculine of center
persyn is in relationships with femmes or womn, it's important that they not replicate what society and
it's patriarchy socializes us to do. It's important that masc folx actually learn to listen and hear more
because so much socializes y'all to speak and tell or take up space. I'm not expecting you or other
masc folx to be door mats, but I am asking that you dissent against a world that socializes every one to
meet the needs of men and their masculinity.
It just takes braver conversations and actively deconstructing our egos to make sure eachother's
needs are met. Cause when I see people, mainly men, and masculine of center folx taking advantage
of how womn/femmes are socialized to serve their needs(whether these womn and femmes are
conscious or unconscious of these dynamics) those MoCs look like people I don't wanna call
comrades in this fight to change the world. Then you just become a persyn who's taking advantage of
womn and femme's internalized oppression. I’m not here for that. Femmes go through too much to be
treated how they are regularly treated.
So in our ‘movement spaces’ it should be different or at least changing. I hope that's not too long
winded. I don't, like, hate you. I'm just consistently let down these days by not only men, but also non-
femmes. I think what would be helpful is owning up to any harm done by listening and acknowledging harmful or problematic behavior and then asking folx what they would like to see from you in the future.”
*I PUBLISH THIS IN RESPONSE TO INACTION*
What would it mean to be individually and collectively committed to community accountability for
already targeted and vulnerable people? In our movement spaces and in the neighborhoods we’re
living in... The apartment buildings we hear domestic disputes in... This is what many of us mean when
we talk about future worlds of possibility without the necessity of the police or other equally oppressive sectors of the State. Not as if police have ever served anything other than the exploitation of black or brown communities and ongoing colonial or capitalist rule, but to take into account the constructed poverty we’re often living under that coerces us to commit harm on one another from learned patterns of behavior and circumstances. I am not in the habit of reacting “civil” to forced interactions with oppressive institutions and individuals, but these individuals can still reclaim their consent and unlearn the things that systemically attempt to erase their autonomy to collectively combat the violent logics of this Nation State.
I think and hope that we can do better. Please stop posturing online like you're ridin' and dyin' for cis, trans, or GNC femmes when you know you NOT! Its actually psychically and spiritually harmful to those of us who know you're not. Remove the heavy tough cloak of intended deflective posturing or intracommunal ally theatrics, CHECK THE EGO, and own up to the harm that still tears our communities apart. Be more thoughtful of what we're going through daily. And finally be as present for Femmes of Color as we have to be for each other cause of societal fuckshiterry that you gain from. Please consider this unpaid femme labor as a gift and not an attack. It's not persynal, its actually systemic.
Sincerely,
A Fed-up, queer, multi-racial Black, Filipinx, Black Foot(Siksika), trans Gender-Non-Conforming, Anti-
authoritarian, art healing, political cultural worker and Femme.
